Arguing and Simplicity

Sometimes sharing a life with someone, no matter how much you love him or her, doesn't feel very simple.

I'm not the best at compromise and communication. But I'm getting better, thanks to the love of my life, Shane. He makes me talk, even when I just want to hole up in my Anne Cave and paint angry paintings. Being an introvert, I process things more slowly before I speak. This frustrates him, because he says what he thinks as soon as he thinks it. I envy his candor, but at the same time I like processing things more slowly. But it's not good to let things stew, either! As a healthy relationship newbie, here are some things I've learned in the past two years:

• Say what you mean. Don't expect the other person to read between the lines. Do you know what they're thinking? Probably not. And they don't know what you're thinking either.
• Keep the argument and/or discussion on task. Don't bring up old stuff: that's just fighting dirty.
• Don't assume. Ask plenty of questions. As my dad likes to say, when you assume, it makes an ass out of 'u' and 'me'.
• Be honest. Even the white lies can, and most likely will, catch up with you.
• Accept that other people may have different ways of communicating than you do. Shane's ability to voice his mind immediately versus me being slow to speak up has taught me that. I also have a close friend who thinks out loud, which hurt my feelings in the past, but going forward I plan to do my best to remember we're simply different.

Occasionally, I miss the days when I answered to no one, and an elaborate meal consisted of an egg scramble or grilled salmon for one and a tossed salad. I liked when the only shoes and dirty clothes cluttering the floor were mine. But I would never trade what I have for what I had.